The Beginner’s Mindset
I caught the running bug a few days before my last semester of college. I was waking up each morning anxious about what would happen after the semester ended. One morning, the idea to go for a run to expel my worries came into my head. It was a painful half run, half walk, around the neighborhood, but at the end of it I didn't feel as anxious as I did before. That small feeling of relief was enough to get me to lace up my shoes every morning to try to experience it again.
Running became a priority in my life over the next four years. I would plan my day around my runs, enter races and attempt to convince my friends to try the sport. Each day I woke up wanting to run faster, longer and stronger than the day before. I ran through difficult times by going on long, steady runs until my mind cleared. I celebrated personal victories by running as fast as I could and ending the run with a dip in the Pacific Ocean.
I stopped running in early 2020. What soothed my anxiety in the past was now a source of my worries. Even though it was a year many people picked up the sport, going out for a run terrified me. My usual quiet route was now overflowing with people. On the days I did manage to go for a run, I struggled with comparing myself to the runner I used to be. The shame of abandoning what was once my passion would overpower the simple joy of having gone on a run.
I'm trying to get back into running this year. It is humbling to start at the same level I once was years ago. I'm once again struggling to sustain a nine minute pace for even 30 minutes. But I try to remind myself that even a slow run is better than a day without running.
Maybe there are people like me who are also finding their way back to an old passion after a long hiatus. People who, after two challenging years, are eager to return to what they loved but not sure how to start. It's helpful to remember that everyone was a beginner in their field at some point. A spark of curiosity led us to try, and then the joy of finding something we felt connected to kept us coming back. We risked embarrassing ourselves in front of others so we could learn and grow in our field. If we let go of the expectations we have about where we should be, we can find the joy that got us hooked in the first place.
The other day I went for a run with a friend. I didn't use my watch to track how far or fast we ran and focused on how the run made me feel instead. We watched the sunrise as we finished our run and I was grateful for the opportunity to begin running again.
